Jessica Torres

The Real Me

I have a few things to say. First of all I want to thank you all who support my blog and essentially me. I always get comments on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter and in person from people that always admire my ‘confidence.’ I use quotation marks because I still have a long way to go. However I cant neglect the progress I’ve made.
I have to say that I am very proud of myself and how much I have grown, how much I have learned. Before Tiny Red Shoes I never and I mean absolutely never posted a picture of myself that would show my full body. A full body picture was completely out of the question. I was so embarrassed and ashamed of who I was and how I look. Even though it is not the easiest thing to say. (My proud personality doesn’t like when I show my vulnerability.) But this must be said.  Now I know that there are many young girls and boys that go through this.  I always felt lost and alone ever since I was a young girl.
My childhood felt like a double life. I was always very happy and funny. I always loved entertaining people and my family always played my audience members. Whether I was singing (horribly by the way), acting a telenovela scene or dancing. I never spoke out loud of my insecurities to them cause I always wanted to show them the best side of me. I don’t believe they ever knew how much I hated my body and myself. I grew up thinking that I would be happy one day, and that day would be when I would be thin. Thin to me represented beauty and happiness. Now I know how wrong I was. I just wished I had been more vocal about how I felt. No child should ever feel like that.
As hard as this is to express and to let others read, I know I have to. We need to let our brothers, sisters, cousins, best friends, daughters and everyone else that surrounds us know that they are beautiful in the current body they are in. Size, skin color, hair type, height or even ethnicity does not equal beauty. As over used and cliché this may be it is 100% true: Beauty comes from within. Have we not someone society would not call ‘beautiful,’ but once you talk to him or her they turn out to be the most attractive person you have met?
You must be asking when did this change happen? It was as simple as this: I decided to be happy and love who I am and how I look. Period. I decided that I had spent enough time wallowing, wishing and praying to God that he would make me pretty and thin. Little did I know that I was already beautiful, I don’t speak about physical beauty, though I am not bad to look at, I was beautiful because I loved others intensely and was starting to love myself more then ever.
It makes me tear up to remember how much I cried cause I thought I was ugly due to my weight. This is another point I’d like to put out there. Can we stop putting so much emphasis on physical beauty?! We don’t all look Ken and Barbie. Some of us look like a teddy bear and others the Pillsbury doughboy. And that’s fine.
What Im Wearing:
Trench: SimplyBe
Top: I.N.C.
Jeans: Forever21
Scarf: H&M